Dear Ask Y and X,
Coincidentally I read your blog today and you are talking about what I like to refer to as dead beat dads; I know because I have one.
I am a single mom of 2 children, boy 6 and girl 8. My husband and I divorced last year and it hasn't been pretty since then. He takes the kids two weekends a month and that's all. For the first 3 or 4 months he did give me money for the kids and then it just stopped. I am always asking him for help financially and with the kids after school activities. He always thinks it's my responsibility to leave my job when the kids are sick at school, pick them up from sport activities and provide for them financially. It has gotten so bad that my bills are behind because I have to make sure all my kids things are paid for and they do need to eat. He acts as if I had them by myself. But what has really got me heated is recently my kids came home and complained they didn't want to go back to their dad's again because his new girlfriend doesn't like them. She always telling them to stay in their room and don't make any noise. When I confronted him about it he had nothing to say. I told him I wouldn't let the kids come over if they are being mistreated. He says I'm over reacting no one is being mistreated. He just doesn't understand just because she's not hitting them verbal is still mistreatment. My kids says she says things to them in a mean tone. I'm not saying my kids are angels but they aren't bad either. They are friendly children and I have taught them to respect everyone. My friends that have kept my kids has never had issues and their teachers always compliments how good they are. That leads me to believe it's her that's got the problem. I will not tolerate my kids being mistreated or feeling uncomfortable, I can just keep them at home. And no they don't have an issue with my husband and I separating. It's not like he was the best father when he lived with us either, but at least he helped out more. I don't know what to do at this point. I am so overwhelmed with everything, I can't think straight. I would like your feedback and what you think.
Yours Truly,
Fed Up!
P.S Love the posts, keep them coming. I have told all my friends about it.
X and Y
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2 comments:
I suggest speaking with your husband and his girlfriend regarding the situation. WHen you speak to them, do so in a manner that is not accusatory (even if you know she is verbally abusing them)because she will just be defensive and you will get no where. Gently let them both know that such treatment will not be tolerated.
As for the deadbeat. He is not voluntarily aiding you in the rearing of his children and therefore needs an extra push to do so. I would suggest getting a child support order so that he is now mandated to help you. Sometime we as women try to be nice and do things civilly but it is we who suffer in the end. You should npt have to go into debt b/c he is not helping you as he should and since he does not feel like he should do it on a regualar basis, the courts will tell him that he must. (Some men lack that home training) If you have one ordered already b/c of the divorce, now is teh time to get it enforced. Your children will be only as happy as you are and it is no fair if your children are not able to get the things they want/need because your wages begin to be garnished as a result of your delinquency.
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