Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Why must we have drama
Starting a new relationship with someone with children can be difficult enough with out the added drama from the ex. This can be a little uncomfortable for everyone involved. So what makes women so bitter and angry with the new woman? Can't we all just get along ;-). Obviously it's over between the two of you and he has decided to move on, so at this point it needs to be what's best for the child(ren). If he has met one woman he feels like it could work out with and want to introduce the child(ren) to her, why is it an issue. There are all of these rules all of a sudden, and the number one is don't have my child(ren) around no other women. So now you can only see your child(ren) at the ex house; why does that make sense? Or why does the ex have to be nasty to the new girlfriend, calling the house being rude, making un-necessary comments, or the worse calling her out her name. Is it the new girlfriends' fault your relationship didn't work? Wouldn't it be a good idea to at least try to get along with the person that is going to be spending time with your child(ren); find out who she is and how she is when around the child(ren). Fighting the situation will only make it worse for everyone. Especially when the end result will remain he has moved on and so should you.
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7 comments:
ok well my response would be different if I didn't have a child, but i think i would be uneasy with my child being around another woman that i don't know. Forget the fact that she is with my baby daddy...who cares..but i don't know this woman. She might not like kids, she may feel like she can beat my child, or treat them in a manner I would not approve of. It would be hard for me to adjust but I would have to deal with it.
It's funny how some women will leave there child with a babysitter they might not know well to go out to the club, but when it's the new girlfriend of your ex, you are so concerned. First of all, I would never have children with someone who if our relationship didn't work out I would have to worry about the type of company he has around my kids. Use better judgement the first time around. I would want to meet the new woman, because I want to make sure she understands that my ultimate concern is my child and how he/she is treated.
You know its really not that easy. First off, when you choose your child's care giver, you give a thorouh interview to ensure your wishes will be respected and that your child will be very well taken care of. Secondly, I adamantly doubt the person watching the kid on a "club night" is a stranger, its usually a family member, and let's face it after doing everything and more for your child 34/7 (that is intentional) we all need a break.
Lastly, You are absolutely correct, we don't need the drama, but you need to look at it from both sides. If you had a child i doubt you would want your child to be around some strange woman period. IF you want to bring my child around your girlfriend, then i need to meet her. It Has nothing to do with unresolved feelings for teh child's father because there is a reason that it didn't work. Now i have called several women that my son's father chose to past his time with.. (please ask me why) as I struggle to make ends meet and I haven't seen mr. Rolling stone in ages. SO yeah Im blocking b/c you need to handle your obligations. People get married and divorced and have to go through this so it is quite ridiculous to say what was said about not having kids with someone.
Maybe after 7 hours of labor and 15 staples, your thought process regarding this matter would be drastically different.
If you are no longer in a relationship with your kid's father then it is inevitable that he will move on, therefore I think getting to know who your kid is around is very important. Not everyone is out to hurt your kid, but you wouldn't know that if you don't even want to get to know who that person is. Since the topic is about drama and being nasty then I think there are more effective ways to introduce your child to the "other woman"
I know of this all too well. I am dating a man of 4 years with 2 children, 10 & 5, from different women. I get along with the mom of the 10 yr old great. I'm always invited to birthday parties and family functions. She met me and liked me and her son is always saying good things about me. Now the mom of the 5 yr old is out of control. She refuses to meet me she said there is no need to. She does not allow the little boy to visit the house. If my fiance goes to her home she gives a hard time about him leaving with his son. She has made it clear "her son" is not to be around no other woman besides his family. If she calls the house and I answer she hangs up.
My thoughts are similar to gigi, why wounldn't you trust the man you once dated and respect his decisions. I'm not talking a man that will bring several different women around his kids. The men that chose to date/marry one woman. No I haven't been through 7 hours of labor and had staples but I wouldn't have no issues with meeting the new woman especially if you stress that this is the person you have been dating for a while and have a serious relationship with. I want you to meet me, come over to the house see that I keep a clean house and know that I can cook. I want you to know your kids are in good hands while at our house. I don't expect us to be best friends but I want you to be comfortable so I'm not some strange woman. And I need to make it known I'm not here to mistreat the children either. I don't want the kids and father to miss out on spending time together. Oh yeah and all the mothers are saying they would be uncomfortable, but what about the new woman hell I'm just as uneasy as you would be. It's not easy to date a man with kids either, but your relationship didn't work so you have to deal with it and I found a man I wanted to be with so I have to deal with it.
Not everyone is the person you thought they were when you met them or fell in love with them. Yes your ex will eventuall move on and i think it would be best for everyone involved to act amicably for the sake of the child, however there are certain protocols that ought to be followed and as the sole caregiver of my child i have every right to ask that those protocols be followed. If you would like to bring your girlfriend around my child, fine, But I want to meet her first. No we don't have to be on speed dial or clubbing with each other but I need to know what element will be around my child. Period. It is nice that there are women who want things to go as smoothly for the child as possible because they are in love with the father but this is not always the case and in teh end, the child comes first. There are women who use their children as a way to get back with or at the father and I strongly detest that but make no mistakes, no one that I do not know should be around my child and I would do the same for my child's father (i:e introducing him to any male companion that I am seriously involved with before allowing him to meet my son)
There really shouldn't be any drama because once people are no longer involved what you do with your life is your business, but once my child is around it becomes mine.
and unfortunately, the only person that does matter is the child. They did not ask to be brought up in such an environment. So while it may be uneasy for the new woman, that is something for she and the father to speak about. As a mother, I'm only here to make sure my son is well loved, respected and treated.
On a side note I just feel the mothers always get a bad rep...what about the father who may be "double dipping", You can never know the full story.
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