Dear Ask Y and X,
I love your site, I first saw your writings on Brownsista(www.brownsista.com) and thought how great it is to talk or secretly vent about real life situations.
Any way I have a situation I want to share and I hope you post it so I can see what others opinions are and get their comments.
I'm a 33 year old woman in love with a man already in a relationship. He isn't aware of my feelings I don't think. I met him through a friend at a party. We saw each other a few times again at other functions and eventually exchanged numbers. We began talking on the phone a lot about everything, he is a fun person to talk to. He told me he has 2 kids and he also has a girlfriend(not the mother of his children). I also have two kids so I suggested he attend a birthday party with me and bring his kids. Since then we hang out all the time, at least 4 to 5 times a week. He is fun and exciting to be around, and we can talk about anything. Now I am wanting more of his time all the time and want more of a relationship rather than friendship with him. He is kind, funny and sexy. Why didn't I meet him sooner.
Well one day I decided I would tell him my feelings so I stopped by his house. I knew he was there because his car was there, but there was also another car in his driveway. I didn't think anything of it so I rang the door bell. He answered and had a surprised look on his face, like oh shit. It seems that other car was his girlfriend. That just made me so mad to see him there with her. He should be my man, I can treat him better. Plus we have a lot in common. Although we don't speak of her much, he hasn't said that he wants to leave her and has never spoke negatively of her. But I figured we were getting closer so eventually she would be out the picture. Well he asked me to leave and said I shouldn't have just came by like that. I told him I tried to call but he didn't answer. Guess it was like when he's with me and don't answer, I just assume it's her calling. My feelings were so hurt, I just cried and said I thought we were going to be together. Again he just asked me to leave.
Now that his girlfriend has figured I am the woman he's been spending so much time with I think she's mad and is leaving him. He didn't say too much just that we could no longer be friends because it's affecting his relationship. I told him let her leave and be with me and that I love him. He said maybe us being friends wasn't such a good idea. But I don't believe that he wants to stop seeing me. I think he loves me too.
What should I do next?
Monday, August 25, 2008
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3 comments:
This is kinda sticky. Just keep in mind that while people in love do foolish things, that Karma comes back to you. Who's to say that even if you do get with him, another woman won't come along and start spending time with him the same way you did when he initially had a girl. Just be careful and smart.
Pick yourself up and get ready to move on. You set yourself up by going to his house without being invited. You now know how he feels about you because he quickly asked you to leave. This was never your man, you've always shared him. Everything is all good when your together because they are no expectations on his side, he just has fun with you. He obviously likes you because he does spend time with you, but that doesn't mean he's ready to be in a relationship. (Remember he already has a girlfriend)
The fact that your 33 with two kids should be the reason that you look at your future and think about the kind of man you deserve and who would be a "father figure" for your kids. Don't sell yourself short!
Okay. I had to read this twice in order to make sure that I was not dreaming. You need a wake up call! It seems like you are very delusional. In your statment you say that "You think he loves you". There is no "think" in L O V E. If he did love you he would have said it to you and he would not have told you to leave his house not once but twice. Also, you stopped past his house uninvited? That is a big no-no because of the fact that its his house. You were mad that his girlfriend was there but ITS HIS GIRLFRIEND!!!! She has a right to be at his house unlike you. I think that maybe you are living in a dream world. You have built your feelings of friendship into something more. You are taking this guy too seriously. I think that maybe you have some underlying problems with relationships that need to be worked out. The women that I know who "latch on" to male friends usually have some sort of issues with men period. I think you may have had your heart broken too many times sista.
Think about it this way: If he really wanted to be with you then he would be with you. That girlfriend is not holding him back, he loves her. A man does what a man wants to do. I think that you need to get some professional help to deal with the reason why you are making yourself available to a man in a relationship.
P.S.- Just because a man gripes to you about his wife/girlfriend doesn't mean he is ready to leave her.
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